Dear Sprint,

I’m sorry you had to hear about it like this. After nearly a decade together, maybe you didn’t see it coming. I know it had to be hard – hearing about our breakup from my new provider.

“Provider.” What a strange word to use. “Partner,” “companion,” “associate.” Whatever you want to call it. I’m with Verizon now.

I wanted to tell you myself. I really did. But Verizon said it would be better this way – to contact you directly and switch the number … and cancel our relationship. As I watched Verizon end us via keystrokes, I remembered our years together, the good and bad.

You gave me unlimited texting and minutes and minutes of talk time. When I first met you, that’s what I noticed – the talk time. Some people like eyes. Others like a sense of humor. For me, it’s talk time, and yours kept me coming back for new phones and new contracts.

Then it soured. I would call you, and it didn’t seem like you even cared. I would be on the phone for hours before reaching you, talking to your friends in South America and India, trying to explain why my bill was too high. And then you would finally talk to me, and you were so dismissive.

I wanted to leave you then, but you brought me back with your unlimited data. “Oh, baby, baby, baby. No one else can give you unlimited data. No one else can make you feel like I make you feel.”

I’m a sucker for unlimited data, and you knew that. You knew I wouldn’t leave.

But last year, I decided I wouldn’t take it anymore. I felt like Jennifer Lopez in “Enough.”

What was the last straw? You took away my upgrade privileges. You forced me to use a Blackberry for two straight years, and you should never do something like that to someone you love.

Did you ever love me? Last week, when you offered me $100 off a new iPhone, it was déjà vu. “I’m sorry, baby. How ‘bout I make it up to you with an iPhone?” But you know what, Sprint? You should have given me that iPhone last year. Now, it’s too late.

I don’t know if Verizon will treat me any better, but I least I’ve found the courage to find out. Sure, Verizon doesn’t have unlimited data, but how often am I going to use 8GB in a month? Verizon gives me the texting, talk time and accessory discounts, too, and you know what? Verizon talks to me when I call. Verizon listens. That’s something you never did, Sprint. Can you hear me now?

I hope you can let go and just accept my new life. But I know you won’t, Sprint. I know you’ll fight me over this last bill, even though everyone knows you charge ahead. I don’t owe you anything, but I know you can’t just let it go.

That’s fine. You can’t fight me forever. You have your other “customers” to worry about. I’m finally starting to realize I didn’t mean that much to you in the first place. And now I’m through with being your whore.

I’m happy now. For the first time in years, I’m happy. I hope you can be happy for me. Please remember the good times. Like when you sent me that free battery? Yeah, that’s how I want to remember us.

Goodbye, Sprint.

Yours, no more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *